Wiley B. Goat
Wiley B. Goat
And the Troll Bros 1st, 2nd, & 3rd
By Linda Barshay
Once upon a time there was a wonderful, green meadow in a far away land. Three nice little troll brothers lived there and grew vegetables in the fertile soil for their families and friends. They called themselves the Troll Bros 1st, 2nd, & 3rd.
The troll brothers worked hard each day tilling, planting, chopping, and weeding. They grew the biggest, most delicious vegetables anywhere around those parts. Juicy, purple turnips grew to the size of softballs and dark red potatoes dripped with delicious flavor. Their cabbages were as green as could be and never had any tasted better. Their bright orange carrots flourished beneath bushy green tops.
The Troll Bros were quite happy tending their gardens and sharing with others. They lived simple, quiet lives. However, it was no secret that they were probably the best farmers in all the land.
One day, a message came from the king. The Troll Bros had been selected to grow vegetables for the king’s vegetable growing contest. Of course, they were delighted to hear the news and they thought they just might have a good chance of winning.
They had one huge problem, though. Their garden soil had been used so much it was low on nutrients needed to produce the wonderful crops that had made them famous. They knew they must devise a plan as fast as possible.
The Troll Bros put their heads together and thought and thought and thought. All of a sudden, an idea came to all three at once. They knew about the rich, rich land that lay on the other side of the Forbidden Bridge and they’d have to discover a way to cross it. They must figure out a way to trick Wiley B. Goat, a nasty old goat, who lived in a hideaway hut under the bridge.
Wiley B. Goat was a very particular goat and he did not allow anyone to cross over his bridge. Not under any circumstances would he allow them to pass. Partly because he was selfish but mostly because he just loved taking huge bites of any poor creature’s behind side, no matter when it would step one foot onto his bridge. He would snap down and the poor creature would yell bloody mercy, jumping around like crazy, begging for the old goat to let it loose. Old Wiley B. Goat almost laughed himself sick watching the creature run away in the opposite direction, holding onto its britches.
Now, Wiley B. Goat was certainly aware of the three Troll Bros. He was also very jealous of them because he hadn’t been invited to participate in the king’s contest in any way, shape, or fashion. He decided he would wait and see if the Troll Bros would try and cross his bridge, having heard about their soil dilemma. If they had the nerve to even try, he’d be more than ready for them.
Since the trolls were brothers, one young, one old, and one in the middle, they decided to send the youngest one over the bridge first. Hopefully, Wiley B. Goat would wait for the other two brothers and allow the youngest brother to pass without a problem. After the youngest troll passed over, he would immediately begin a garden where vegetables could be grown for the contest.
Off Troll Bro 1st skipped in a carefree manner. Sure enough, up charged old Wiley B. Goat, yelling so loudly the youngest troll bro froze in his tracks.
“Oh, Littlest Troll Bro, where would you suppose you might be going?” asked Wiley B. Goat in an angry, gruff voice.
“Ugh, please, I need to cross your bridge, Sir Wiley Billy Goat. Please let me cross and I can assure you I have two older brothers coming later. They’re much bigger and if you can wait for them, think about how much juicier a chunk out of them would taste compared to my skinny little behind,” Troll Bro 1st stuttered.
The old goat thought and knew the little troll had a point. Miraculously, the goat allowed the youngest troll bro to pass over his bridge.
After all, Wiley B. thought to himself. What do I have to lose? Two juicier behinds will follow. He quietly snickered, his teeth showing. Little did old Wiley B. Goat understand that he had been tricked for the first time.
A while passed by and the two remaining trolls knew the youngest had made it over the bridge. Troll Bro 2nd decided it was time for him to try his luck in outwitting the old goat. As softly as he could, the middle troll began stepping across the bridge, using very careful steps. He was about one fourth of the way across when Wiley B. Goat popped his head over the edge of the bridge.
“And, just who is tiptoeing across my bridge this time?” snarled Wiley B. Goat, chomping down on his sharp teeth and showing his dripping tongue.
Troll Bro 2nd decided on a quick reply.
“Uh, Mr. Wiley B. Goat, Sir, I’m sure you know by now, right? I am supposed to cross over your bridge so you can chomp down on my older brother’s behind. I can assure you, it is much bigger and juicier than mine. Ooh, look up at that bird in the sky,” Troll Bro 2nd yelled, making fast tracks. “See ya later!” Troll Bro 2nd raced away, leaving his words behind him.
And, Wiley B. Goat stamped his hooves in a fit of anger, having been outwitted a second time.
Now, Wiley B. didn’t take kindly to Troll Bro 2nd making him out to be a fool by getting to cross his bridge. However, he was quite sure he would make up for it when the biggest troll tried his luck to pass over. Wiley B. would be ready for him and would make up for his losses, and big time at that.
The oldest troll bro waited for a while, making sure Troll Bro 2nd had successfully passed over the forbidden bridge. Loaded down with a bag of fertilizer, seed bags, and work tools, it was time for him to begin his journey. He trudged toward the bridge, expecting to see the old goat at any minute.
After Troll Bro 3rd had taken only a few steps on the bridge, Wiley B. Goat appeared. By this time, the goat was fit to be tied. He flew to the top of the bridge and plopped himself down, smack-dab in the center and waited for the oldest troll to try and continue his journey. The old goat stood there, stamping his hooves. He growled up at Troll Bro 3rd, showing his teeth with his tongue dripping. Smoke arose from his ears because he was so fumy mad, aiming that he wouldn’t be tricked again.
Troll Bro 3rd had to think of something really fast or he knew he’d be torn apart, never to join his brothers on the other side. He had an idea and hopefully the old goat would fall for it.
“Oh, Mr. Wiley B. Goat, Sir, may I say that you smell exactly like a vase full of lilacs on this beautiful day,” Troll Bro 3rd said.
Old Wiley B. Goat was shocked and immediately started sniffing the air, speaking aloud to himself, his tongue hanging out.
“Well, I guess I do smell a little bit like lilacs at that.”
Seeing that the trick was working, Troll Bro 3rd continued. “And, your teeth, Mr. Wiley B. Goat, Sir, which you are showing so well, look like shining white stars, surely as bright as diamonds.”
Baffled, the old goat grunted, blurting out all kinds of sounds.
“Well I can’t see them, now can I?”
“Oh, well, perhaps you could check them in your mirror inside your hut, Sir Wiley B. Goat. Go on and see for yourself,” Troll Bro 3rd said.
Old Wiley B. Goat was so flattered and curious; he raced to his hut to peer at himself in his mirror to see if his teeth really were white and shining as bright as diamonds.
Little did the old goat know that he’d been outwitted for a third time.
Troll Bro 3rd finished crossing the bridge to join his two brothers. There, the Troll Bros started new fields for the king’s vegetable contest.
There’s no telling how beautiful their new vegetables will grow in the lush fields of the land across the Forbidden Bridge. As for Wiley B. Goat, he now walks around all day long with a mirror tied to his collar. That way, he can constantly admire his sparkling, white teeth. Each day, he sniffs the air surrounding him, believing he smells like a bouquet of lilacs. And, he allows the Troll Bros to pass whenever they want. Of course, now, all three of them continue to flatter Sir Wiley B. Goat on the way back and forth across the bridge.
You may have always heard that flattery will get you nowhere. But just ask Troll Bros 1st, 2nd, and 3rd because they believe….
Sometimes, flattery will indeed allow you to cross bridges.